Feeling
by DreamReaper94
Summary: So Roxas is coming to the understanding that he's feeling suffocted...but how is that possible for a nobody? How can he feel if he doesn't have a heart? Luckily, Axel comes along to explain it all and finds he and Roxas have a heart in common,mild smut


Hahaha--here's an akuroku fanfic everybody. I love them both so much-they're so cute that it's pathetic. Fluffiness mixed with angst…yum

Disclaimer: Roxas and Axel are not mine-they are slaves to Square Enix (lucky bastards-get to do what they please to them)…..J/K…..

This story/plot are mine. If there is anything similar to this or if this is similar to anything else, what a coincidence.

Feeling…

The steaming water ran it's course down Roxas's back, smooth and fluid. His body was soothed but, his mind, was not at all peaceful.

"_You are the key to destiny…"_

His thoughts were clouded by what others of the organization had said. Threaded down within the depths of his conscience, subconscious.

"_The most special…the most favored…the most hated."_

His eyes were casts over with a haze of blankness. Only these thoughts floated around within his head, snaking through whatever points of access.

"_Sora's nobody…the key blades chosen one. Number XIII, Roxas."_

Coursing slowly, inching it's way down through his veins, this feeling.

"_Nobody…You are a nobody…a tool that harbors no emotion, no feeling, no __**heart**__."_

"_Our fate rests upon your shoulders….do not fail us."_

They were all around him now…everywhere. Winding around his figure, his mind. It was just….everywhere. He couldn't think of what it could be defined as. He found his breaths coming harsh and quick and his hand was at his chest, near the place where his…. That's when he snapped. A fist had piled into the tile of the shower wall, knuckles crunching against the cracked material. He looked down to the floor, focusing on the sting in his hand. His eyes had been closed tight and he slowly peeled them open, red and blue washing over them.

The word had now materialized around his knowledge. _Suffocation…_ The thoughts had been suffocating him. Cramping him into a tight space, his mind crunched up into one corner. He stood straight and unburied his hand from within the gravel and then looked down to it. Slowly, wincing here and there, he picked out the pieces of tile from his running wound. Picking up a towel, he emerged from the shower to dry himself, acknowledging his _pain._

"Roxas! The heats back!" yelled the redhead, barging through the door carved with "XIII".

Roxas was sitting on the floor at the end of his bed, head resting on the frame. He had the towel on his right shoulder, stained with red. He was shirtless, jeans slightly unzipped. His eyes were closed and an absent expression showered his face. The blond hadn't yet realized that the flurry of dancing flames had yet returned from his mission. Axel noticed the towel and slowly crouched down next to the smaller figure and then reached for the cloth. Before he got two inches closer to the fabric, icy blue eyes fell onto the redheads figure.

"Axel…what are you doing?" he asked, catching the elders wrists.

Axel slightly flinched at the unexpected move and gave a crooked smile, leaning into a sitting position next to the blond.

"So I see you're awake now. I just got in from my mission. Had to exterminate some heartless." he said, muffling Roxas's hair.

Roxas closed his eyes, somewhat annoyed, and then took Axel's hand away from his head, using his wounded hand. Axel froze and then scrunched up his face.

" Rox, what happened to you?" he asked. Roxas snapped his eyes open and released his hand, drawing it back.

"It-It's nothing. I….hit it on something by accident." he said, turning his body slightly, back towards Axel. There was a pause and then a hand resting on his shoulder.

Roxas turned his head, gaze being engulfed by green eyes, sparkling ferociously within the dim light. Axel had an expression, of concern, on his face which soon tore into blankness. That's how it had always been. Only a remnant of the emotion once felt in a previous life, soon to fade. Although, it was because of these faint remains that Roxas possessed small fragments of hope, cradling the small feeling of warmth that bled through him. It made him believe that being _together_ was possible.

Although he was indeed fearful. These remains could throw those hopes of his downhill. Turn them false, fake. He was holding onto the reality of these feelings. He _knew_ what he was feeling was real but, doubt still left him wondering. After all, who was to say that his existence was indeed, _nothing._ Being told all this time that he was a nobody, that he couldn't feel, that he had no heart. If that was true, why did his chest begin to thunder when Axel came around, speaking soft words to him. He was _not_ about to give this up. Also, he sure as hell wasn't telling this to the redhead, who would end up calling him insane.

"Don't….don't lie, Roxas." came a gentle voice as Axel turned the boy to him, taking hid injured hand into his own. Slowly, gently, he pressed his lips onto an area of raw flesh and transferred a bit of warmth to the cold flesh.

"You're too pale….I can tell you've lost a lot of blood. This should warm that cold skin of yours. Then, I'll clean your wound before it gets infected. It may hurt a little." he said, placing a kiss on the boys cheek, warming his face.

Roxas cheeks flushed slightly and he turned away as the redhead trailed lips down his jaw and slowly approached his neck, sending jolts of heat through his body.

"When you say "hurt"….do you really think I can feel it?" he asked bluntly, not liking the sarcastic edge the end of the question had. Axel soon stopped and looked into electric blue eyes.

Roxas looked into green eyes, expecting an answer. Axel smiled and leaned back, face somewhat playful, somewhat serious. "Roxas…you know you can't feel… It's a common saying? A _somebody_ saying." Axel chuckled. Although Roxas noticed something strange. Usually, Axel would say things like this straight to his face but, he was avoiding Roxas's eyes, looking down. Axel was never the type to…shy away from saying things that were true. So the only option was…

"Axel…you are the one who's lying now. So tell me the truth…what's behind those false words?" he asked, the redheads eyes becoming wide and then softening.

"Roxas…how can I explain," he pleaded.

Roxas looked to the elder and sighed. He reached a hand out and brought his lips onto Axel's, his tongue brushing over a bottom lip. The redhead was stunned by the sudden act but then melted into agreement. He gave a soft moan as Roxas bit down softly onto his lip, licking the sunken area. Soft hums came from the blonds throat as Axel slipped a hand over Roxas's chest, exploring the soft flesh that revealed itself. He was surprised when a hand fell onto his forearm.

"Alright…I've made my point, pyro." he said with satisfaction.

"What? _Made your point?_" Axel asked in confusion.

"You can feel just as well as I can. You just felt want, need, _desperation_." he said with a slight bit of wariness.

" Alright…Now I _know _this is some kind of joke. Roxas…what part of _nobody_ don't you understand? I mean, I don't-we do not have hearts, therefore there is no 'desperation' or 'need'. So don't tell me you know how I f-- how you _think _I feel." he said, stuttering.

"See, dammit! Now you've got me confused-and I'm supposed to know what I'm talking about." he added right after.

Roxas stared blankly for a moment and then suddenly, his face turned pink as he began to shudder with laughs. His shoulders quivered up and down and Axel cocked and eyebrow from the whole notion and then knitted his brows. Red soon engulfed his cheeks and as soon as the blond stopped his hysterics, he scowled coldly to the smaller frame. Roxas gave a sly smirk and the redhead looked away, annoyed.

"Axel, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have laughed like that but, your face," he said, wiping a tear from his eye, attitude now sincere and considerate.

Axel snorted and rose from his seat-walking over to the bathroom while Roxas rummaged through his closet for a shirt. He was slightly horrified. The sink was stained with blood, bathing products out of place. The floor was slippery and the shower curtain in a crooked manor. Whatever happened here had been, _bad_.

"Roxas…" he whispered.

He turned, looking out the open doorway toward Roxas. The boy was sitting on his bed now, shirt in hand. His head was down, shoulders tight, a pressure weighing them down. His elbows rested on his knees. Axel's eyes widened as he saw a tear trickle down his chin. In a few seconds he was up, by the blonds side-- grabbing his good hand while bent on one knee. Roxas was startled and quickly wiped away the tears, feeling pathetic that the redhead had seen.

"What's the matter, Rox? Oh, and don't tell me it's nothing because surely whatever the hell happened in that bathroom has something to do with this wound and the way you're acting." he asked, more so demanded fiercely. The smaller frame shuddered at the recent memory and brought his wounded hand up for his own examination.

"This was… it _is_ proof . I've been struggling for a while now and this, it gave me evidence." he started, softly and assured that what he was saying was worded right in his perception.

Axel tilted his head, slightly puzzled. He noticed Roxas's eyes, piercing through something that wasn't there for anyone but himself to see. They were distant, creating these words centered directly on what he was trying to say. It was almost strange in away. Axel had never seen the boy quite so focused on something as he was right now. Roxas had always been a natural at what he needed to do . Orders, duty, honor, all that always came first in his book. Never quite worried about anyone, never worried about himself.

"It's been strange. I know I may sound crazy but this is something that I'm so sure about. So sure that even when told I'm wrong I _know_ I'm right. I can _feel _it. I can _feel_ period. Pain, happiness, sorrow, desperation--I know what they are. I know what's it like to feel those things. It's almost funny. All this time I've been called a nobody-one without a heart-one who cannot feel. I knew all that and believed it but when, but when you and I had been paired together so many times, I--" he added, stumbling at the last bit.

"I found my first bits of emotion. I actually enjoyed being stuck with you and when we were separated, I noticed this burning sensation from somewhere deep within me. It was impossible to explain and I found myself feeling stupid for not knowing what was wrong with me. I pretended nothing was wrong but after so long…I just couldn't take it anymore. That's part of the reason I left to go find Sora. Another part was that, I wanted to _learn_. Learn what it was-what I've been feeling." he said, breathless. He looked down to the redhead who was looking down at the blonds hand, knitted brows.

" I learned what friends were-learned what it was to have someone close to you who you could trust, _love_ someone. When I had rejoined with Sora for the first time, I was bewildered. I was able to understand. The weirdest part was…I still felt bad. There was so much…pain. That pain…it was because I wasn't with the one _I _loved. I wasn't with _you,_ Axel. I wasn't with you…" he choked out the last bit, soft tears rolling from his electric blue eyes. There was so much weight lifted from his shoulders now. He only wished that Axel would except him like this, except his heart…

Roxas looked down to the redhead, green eyes somewhat empty. Roxas felt fear strike his heart. Was he wrong to have told Axel this. Did the elder think he was insane, did this display sicken the nobody at his feet. Roxas bit his lower lip and looked at the absent expression from the one beneath him. His name crawled at the blonds lips but he couldn't say anything from the lump in his throat. He looked away, eyes tightly closed, prepared for whatever bitter words would be thrown at him. He almost jumped out of his skin when he felt warm arms wrapping around his neck.

"Roxas….I thought…I thought I was the only one who thought they could feel." he whispered into the small neck that pressed against his lips. Roxas's eyes widened at the confession as he placed his hands on the elders back, slightly shaking.

"Axel, you mean you too? You can feel?" he asked hastily, wishing this wasn't some kind of dream. He felt crimson spikes lower at the motion of two quick nods.

" I could always remember what it was to feel but, when you went missing, when you left, I was so lost, Rox. I didn't know what was happening when I felt something unbearable strike where a heart would've been in my chest. Earlier when you were explaining what was happening to me, I sort of freaked. I kept asking was it real, could I feel? You were matching what was in me, describing every bittersweet thing that flooded my body. I could believe that it was all some fake illusion but when I saw…when I heard you talk about your hand--I realized it _was_ real."

"I couldn't say that I understood like you did, I don't have a somebody anymore but now I've learned…from _you_" he whispered with a slight smirk.

Roxas felt himself breaking apart inside. He really wasn't the only one suffering from inside--he had a heart, and so did the one in his arms. He was so relieve and, what's the word, happy(?). He stroked Axel's back and smiled. He was still curious…why could they feel? Why only now did they realize they had hearts? It was so strange but, it felt as though now something had been broken. The chains… chains that had bound him to the belief that he could not feel.

"Axel, why can we feel now?" he asked. The redhead shrugged beneath him. He then shook his head deciding that had been the wrong motion to use. He raised his head and looked at the boy eye to eye.

"Roxas, to tell you the truth, I think we've had a heart all this time. It was just….sleeping. Waiting for something. Like how you left, I immediately started to feel lost. Or how you said you felt happy when we were together. Waiting for something to cause a reaction and break our hearts away from it's dormancy. You can also look at the others…Superior-err, Xemnas has been _feeling _the _need_ for a heart. Our 'memories' were from our original hearts so then maybe our memories _are_ our hearts. At least, we've thought our hearts are our memories…" he said, cocking a brow, amazed at his philosophy.

"Wow, I never thought of it that way before. Um, Axel?" he asked.

"Yeah, Roxie?" he said, snuggling back into the blonds neck."

" Have you been reading? Cause those are some big words you've NEVER used. Such sadistic phrases--when did you get a Lolita complex? ' break our hearts away from it's dormancy'?" he said with a cocked eyebrow and a crooked smirk.

The redhead tilted his head in an annoyed manner and looked Roxas in the eye with a smirk of his own.

"I've always been this smart….you just, you _distract_ my intelligence and you're cute when you think you know something, Rox. " he said laughing, gaining a playful slap on the face. He looked at the younger figure and pulled Roxas's chin to his mouth.

"Mmmm, my brain just supplied some good information. It's a bonus, if anything. We can really _feel _now and I think I'm feeling a little hot right now, despite having power over flame. So are you going to let me have my way with you or do I need to be a pedo to get some tonight? " he asked, lust filling his eyes.

"Maybe I _was_ feeling a little desperate(?). " he finished. Roxas looked at the redhead and gave a mischievous smile, cupping the elders cheeks in his hands. He brought his tongue to Axel's upper lip, licking it, bringing a shudder to the elder teen.

"Hmmm, everything is going to get better from now, hmn? " he whispered in the redhead's ear, teasing his earlobe with hot breath.

Axel gave the blond a small smirk before raising him onto his bed, giving soft kisses down the boys neck. A hum roared from the younger boys throat when a hand slipped into his jeans, warm to the touch. The elder smiled as he was attacked with soft porcelain lips, falling onto his own. Just one phrase came into mind as they were sent down a ride of intense pleasure and ecstasy.

_Just because you're a nobody doesn't mean you aren't someone…_

_**FIN**_

OO Oh wow! I can't believe I finished that! Woo! Personally, I love it and am very please with it. If you don't like it, that's your opinion--I don't want it. If you don't have anything good to say, don't say anything at all. I except constructive criticism but, yet again, this was an experiment. I am trying to get into being able to write akuroku fics. I KNOW this was an angst piece but, that's okay with me. Sorry for those of you who puke when given too much but I have a high tolerance ) Yah, Roxas was a bit emo but, I love beating him up-- physically AND mentally (It's funnnn!!!) Axel usually isn't this serious but I know somewhere in that sexy head of his is some smart intelligence. Like in CoM he used Larxene and Marly to his advantage to save Sora to get to Roxie I guess. He can indeed restrain himself at the right times and well, use that to get 'it' better. ;; Oh ho ho, I should stop my ranting now. Please forgive any spelling errors and review if you liked it. Axel's "Philosophy" is indeed MINE. No touchy….

SMDS(SoulessMassacreDreamlessSleep)


End file.
